Why does everyone tell us to meditate?
For a long time, I had a somewhat conflicted view of meditation. Even now, the word ‘meditation’ conjures a rather smug image of a person in harem pants and a linen shirt, sitting cross-legged on a palm-dotted beach, eyes closed and smiling with pure, blissful relaxation. It’s all very aesthetic, so chilled out and unbothered. Wow. I used to think that they’ve clearly got something ‘right’ that I haven’t. My brain is far too active, my emotions too strong – how on earth could I ever achieve pure zen like they have?
Meditation feels like one of those things the doctor (or a holier-than-thou friend) advises everyone to try at the slightest mental inconvenience - feeling anxious? Meditate. Feeling overwhelmed? Meditate. Feeling depressed? Meditate. Mindfulness and meditation have become pervasive in Western culture, though the practice of it is far from new. Mindfulness has its roots in Buddhist and Hindu practices and has been around for thousands of years, with similar principles found in other religions around the world. Its growing popularity in the West can be attributed to popular culture and a rise in ‘spirituality’ as the Western cultures (generally) become less traditionally religious. You can find a brief history of mindfulness and meditation here if you’re interested.
I’ve had conversations with people who swear by mindfulness and meditation and people who think it’s a load of rubbish. Having spoken to a client recently about potentially starting a meditation practice, it got me reflecting… does meditation actually ‘work’? And when I say ‘work’, I mean make us feel better emotionally (and maybe even physically).
When I first got into the idea of ‘wellness’ about 7 years ago, my first port of call was meditation. Maybe it was the perception of meditation in popular culture, but in my mind, meditation and wellness were pretty much synonymous. If I wanted to feel ‘well’ like one of those smug gurus on a beach in Bali, meditation was the place to start.
So I downloaded the Calm app and confidently set myself the goal of a 10-minute meditation before bed every night. As it turned out, meditation was a lot less easy and pleasurable than I had been led to believe. I remembered to meditate roughly 3 out of 7 nights of the week, which was something, and if nothing else, it helped me physically relax enough to fall asleep between the backdrop of noisy flatmates. Still, I can’t report many more benefits than that at the time.
I did that for about 6 months, moved countries pre-pandemic, and swiftly forgot about it. Even during the pandemic, when I had an abundance of free time, it didn’t occur to me to pick up my meditation practice again. I had too much going on in my mind and body – the last thing I wanted to do was put a guided meditation on and actually sit with those feelings.
Then, in 2021, I was living alone and feeling anxious. It was the eve of my Calm subscription renewal. I’m not sure what compelled me – whether it was how dysregulated I felt or the prospect of wasting another £30 on an app I didn’t use – but I decided to give meditation another go. Given my life was less ‘full’ than it had been a few years before, making it a daily habit felt somewhat achievable, even if it was just for 1 minute a day. And if I meditated every day without fail, I was surely on track to guru status and generally just feeling better about myself and my life. Success was guaranteed. Right?
I actually managed to do it. I’ve now been meditating every day for 3.5 years. I don’t mean that as a brag, but as my credentials to offer an honest, layman’s review of meditation as a practice.
Does meditation work?
Yes. Being honest, yes it does. But probably not in the way you think.
I naively thought that meditation would stop me feeling negative feelings or thinking meditative thoughts – that I would be in a permanent state of unbotheredness, which probably was fuelled by my perfectionist tendencies. Ha. Turns out meditation isn’t about feeling good – it’s about allowing yourself to feel the full spectrum of your emotional, mental and physical experience, both good and bad. Often we resist negative thoughts and emotions without realising, which only makes them more pervasive and likely to manifest outwardly in our perspective and behaviours. Meditation is about noticing and accepting our experience right now, in all its complexity.
Okay, so what does meditation actually do? For me, I’ve found that it has gradually increased my window of tolerance for change, uncertainty and negative experiences. It helped me identify patterns of avoidance and fear. It has also cultivated an increased sense of inner calmness, trust and safety within myself, a lot of which stems from being present in my body rather than lost in my thoughts. But is it easy? Hell no.
How does meditation work?
Noticing.
Literally just noticing.
I like the river analogy. If we think of our experience as a sentient being as standing in an ever-flowing, unstoppable river, mediation is the practice of consciously stepping out of the river and looking back at it with curiosity, rather than getting swept away by the current. Meditation practice uses the breath as an anchor – once we notice what’s happening in our experience, we can gently bring ourselves back to the breath, which is kind of analogous for the present moment.
What are the benefits?
When we notice what’s happening in our brain and body – the thoughts, emotions and physical sensations coming up in the moment – it helps us identify what those things are. Once we’ve noticed them, we can disidentify from them, and let them pass through us with less resistance. From a present-moment perspective, it’s easier to see that everything passes by and changes like weather, making it easier to appreciate the good things and tolerate the bad things, knowing that they too will pass.
‘Noticing’ is a skill. It’s a muscle in the brain, something we can strengthen by sitting with ourselves in meditation because we have nothing else to distract ourselves with, even if it’s just for a minute. I’ve found that the noticing skill develops in the meditation sessions themselves, but over time, that muscle starts to flex even when out and about – both in moments of joy and moments of conflict.
Once you’ve got the skill of noticing down, in as much as is possible, you can start to incorporate fun little add-ons to your practice. Things like positive affirmations, reframing negative thoughts, visualisations and gratitude statements which bolster your mindset and have a positive ripple effect on all areas of your life.
I’ve tried meditation and I feel no benefit. Why?
Annoyingly, meditation is a long game.
Like any skill, it takes a lot of practice. As I learnt the hard way, expecting immediate results is like deciding to become the next Van Gogh but giving yourself no time to practice painting. With consistent practice, the benefits of meditation aren’t instantaneous, but they’ll creep up on you – I started to feel the benefits (increased awareness even when I was out and about, ability to sit longer and with stronger emotions) about 1.5 years after starting a daily practice. But still, the fact I was doing it at all made me feel good, like I was doing something for myself out of self-love rather than punishment (though it felt like that some days!).
I’ve tried meditation and can’t get it to stick. How can I maintain a practice?
What worked for me – and I think this is the case for any habit – is being realistic with myself and setting small goals.
Let’s be honest, meditating for an hour each day is a lot. Try starting with 1 minute and building it up. I started at 1 minute and slowly built up to 3, then 5, then 10. I still only do 10 – 15 minutes a day unless I’m really in the mood for it.
Try meditating at different times of the day to see when you feel the most focussed - I find evening the best time for me because I like to reflect on my day and do those gratitude statements I mentioned.
Download an app. I recommend Calm but Insight Timer and Headspace are also supposed to be good. You definitely don’t need an app to meditate, but it helps in the early stages when you’re still trying to form a habit.
Find community. Drop meditation into conversation here and there and see how it lands. Suggest doing a 10-minute meditation with friends if they’re into it. If you don’t have many of those people in your life (I only have a handful), consider joining a meditation group or using one of the apps I mentioned to find community.
The most important thing, I think, is don’t beat yourself up about doing it ‘wrong’, getting distracted or forgetting to do it. The nice thing is you can’t fail at meditation. It’s all about acceptance and showing yourself compassion.
Honestly, there’s days where it’s the last thing I want to do. There’ll probably be tough times in my life where things get hectic and I drop it in favour of something else, only to pick it back up again at a later date. And that’s okay. Even so, that ‘noticing’ muscle in the brain doesn’t have to completely atrophy.
Does meditation work for everyone?
I would say the benefits of meditation are probably accessible to everyone, but that some people are more suited to it – or will find it easier – than others. Anecdotally, it seems like deep-feeling, intuitive types gravitate more towards traditional meditation, but that’s just a hypothesis.
Meditation is categorically more challenging when your inner world is in turmoil. Strong emotions can be incredibly difficult and humbling to sit with, even for the most seasoned Buddhist monk. Equally, psychologists have suggested that those who experience chronic conditions such as severe anxiety, depression, or posttraumatic stress disorder may have their symptoms worsened by traditional meditation (sitting and noticing what’s going on in your body and mind).
That said, there are nontraditional forms of meditation involving more sensory experiences such as hiking, gardening, or painting. For me, running serves as both my main form of exercise and a secondary form of meditation. So, if you find traditional meditation off-putting, there are alternative ways to ‘step out of the river’ and back into the present moment. It’s just about finding what works for you.
If you’re considering incorporating meditation into your daily routine, I hope this article is helpful to you in some way. Good luck!